SESSION 1 - NEXTGEN CONFERENCE
We trust tonight’s message encouraged and guided you in your journey of raising up the next generation. These notes are meant to help you remember and reflect on the message, help you go deeper into study on the subject, or be used for a sermon group discussion.
NEXTGEN CONFERENCE: SESSION 1
Main Scripture: Psalm 12:1; Psalm 78:1-8; Proverbs 27:23
If you’re going through this discussion with a community group this week consider taking the time to read the provided scripture to catch everyone up!
Notes:
Sounding the Alarm
Proverbs 27:23 Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds
CDC data is indicating that depression and anxiety have increased over time, now with approximately 5.8 million children suffering from anxiety and approximately 2.7 million suffering from depression.
CDC data indicated that, between March and November 2020, during the COVID pandemic, mental health-related emergency room visits rose by 31% for children aged 12 to 17 and by 24% for kids aged 5 to 11.
The Pediatrics Journal analyzed Medicaid data and discovered that 26% of children who had visited the ER over mental health concerns did so more than once within six months.
Nearly one in three high school girls in the United States seriously contemplated suicide in 2021, and nearly three in five teen girls felt persistently sad or hopeless—the highest level reported in nearly a decade, according to recent data by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy noted.
Suicide is the second leading cause of death for US children, ages 10-14, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
Social Media and Mental Health: 10 Things You Should Know
It’s estimated that, globally, 210 million people suffer from internet and social media addiction
Teens who spend five or more hours per day on their devices are 71% more likely to have one risk factor for suicide
Nearly one in five (19%) of 10 to 15-year-olds have experienced at least one type of online bullying
Limiting social media use to 30 minutes each day can lead to significant reductions in symptoms of loneliness and depression
Increased Facebook use is associated with a future decrease in mental health
52% of students said social media made them feel less confident about how they look or how interesting their life is
34% of young adults are afraid they will miss out on things if they don’t use social media
92% of parents think social media/the internet is having a negative impact on their children’s mental health
The more often young teens turn to social media, the more prone they are to developing an eating disorder
1 in 4 teenage girls have edited a photo of themselves to change their face or body because of concerns about their body image
References:
https://www.priorygroup.com/mental-health/social-media-and-mental-health
A Mind of Their Own, by Katherine Hill
Emotion has been defined as:
An affective state of consciousness, in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from thinking and behaving
It is often accompanied by certain physical changes, such as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often obvious behaviors, such as crying or shaking.
Consider the following:
We are created in His image
Emotion is given to us by God.
1/3 of our core makeup is emotion.
Emotions are neither good nor bad
They just are!!
The thermometer of the soul
Everything was in harmony in the Garden
We are not created to be in a fallen world.
It does not fit us.
The first thing Adam and Eve felt when they saw their nakedness, was shame and fear.
When experiencing something they had no knowledge how to handle they ran and covered
How much do we still do that in our lives today?
Gary Oliver states the following about our emotions:
Emotions tell us we have a need.
Emotions are energy in motion (E – motion).
Emotions inspire responses from others.
Emotions communicate what words can’t.
Emotions affect the quality of our decisions.
He states the following factors impact how we do emotions:
Gender
Age
Family of Origin
Religion/Spirituality
Ethnicity
Personality, Type or Style
Education
Experiences
Woundedness = deeper more powerful emotion
Protectiveness
“We use 42 muscles in our face to express emotions”.
The Reality of Emotions
We all have them and can’t escape them.
Katherine Hill states that:
“Emotions are part of the way our brains are designed. We can’t escape them or avoid having them, and they are what makes life feel worth living. But how we manage our emotions – particularly when they are difficult or painful – is important for our well-being.”
Dan Allender quotes, the following in his book, “The Wounded Heart”:
“Ignoring our emotions is turning are back on reality. Listening to our emotions ushers us into reality… Emotions are the language of the soul. They are the cry that give the heart a voice… However, we often turn a deaf ear – through emotional denial, distortion, or disengagement. We strain out anything disturbing in order to gain tenuous control of our inner world. We are frightened and ashamed of what leaks into our consciousness. In neglecting our intense emotions, we are false to ourselves and we lose a wonderful opportunity to know ourselves and others” (Alexander & Longman, Cry of the Soul, 24-25).
Emotional intelligence has been defined as the capacity to identify, evaluate, and manage emotions in one’s self, as well as other people.
As another puts it “It is the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions. It is a measurable component of who we are, just as IQ is”
Also has been defined as “the ability to identify your own and others’ feelings, so you can interpret and manage them effectively”
In relation to relationships, Dr. Gary Oliver says, “It is the ability to be aware of, identify, and understand our own emotions, and those of others and constructively manage and utilize those emotions in ourselves and in our relationships”
Gary Oliver states that:
We cannot manage what we do not understand
We cannot understand what we cannot identify, and
We cannot identify what we are not aware of
Emotional self-awareness is so important, God has much to say about this.
Let’s start with Cain
Scriptures to Explore:
Psalms 139:23-24 (NIV): Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way, everlasting.
Ephesians 4:31–32 (NIV): Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling, and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
James 1:19–20 (NIV): My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
Proverbs 15:1 (NIV): A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 18:13 (NIV): To answer before listening – that is folly and shame.
Ecclesiastes 7:3 (NLT): Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us.
Philippians 4:6–7, 12 (NIV): Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts, and you’re minds in Christ Jesus.
I know what is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
2 Corinthians 4:8–9, 16–18 (NIV): we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandon; stuck down, but not destroyed.
Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
In dealing with negative emotions psychologist Noam Shpancer encourages the following:
We must recognize that emotions are always part of our experience, never the whole of it. Your emotions are yours, but they are not you, in the same way that waves are not the ocean.
We need to learn to accept our emotions. Acceptance does not denote agreement or liking. Rather, it is the stance of attentive curiosity. Emotional acceptance is listening attentively to oneself.
We need to realize that the information conveyed by our emotions is often distorted or incomplete. The fact that you feel bad does not mean you are bad. Rather, we may learn to consult other sources of data – our capacity for reason, other experiences, meaningful goals, personal values – and arrive at the consider decision, rather than an emotionally driven one, about the course of action to take.
“The challenge is not so much learning to accept the terrible things that have happened, but learning how to gain mastery over one’s eternal, sensations and emotions. Sensing, naming, and identifying what is going on inside is the first step to recovery.”
“Name it to tame it.”
The Biology of Emotion
The brain works perfectly together.
Stimulus comes in.
First enters the emotional brain.
Logical brain helps regulate
As children, we are primarily emotional beings.
Because the logical brain is the last to develop, children need help managing, regulating, identifying, and validating emotions.
As parents, we become their emotional regulators. We need to teach them to soothe and manage emotions.
Katherine Hill states that:
“As parents, as well as managing our own emotions, we have the added responsibility of helping our children make sense of their feelings.”
“As children get older, their emotions become more complex, and teenagers often experience extremely powerful feelings.”
Developmentally as we enter adolescence, and beyond, parts of our brain are being “remodeled” and “rewired” to work in more complex ways for our adult lives.
Nicola Morgan likens this to pruning.
“In late adolescence, the nerve cells left in the brain after pruning thicken and are coded with a fatty substance called myelin to make them strong – a bit like insulation on an electric wire. This process, called myelination, is important, because it helps nerve cells to transmit information faster and enables more complex brain processes. What makes this uncomfortable (for both parents and teenagers) is the uneven way in which it happens: it starts at the back of the brain and moves gradually to the front. And the very last part of the brain to mature is the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational centre, which is responsible for decision-making, self-control, and mood-modulation. Because their prefrontal cortex develops later, studies have shown that teenagers use another part of their brain instead - the amygdala.”
Imagine the chaos of interpreting your emotions only through the amygdala … with little to no logic.
What is Your Philosophy of Emotion?
Philosophy of emotion deals with:
How we view emotion
How we express emotions
The comfort of negative emotions
What we feel about another’s emotion
How we allow others to express emotion
How we handle chronic negative emotions
Our emotional philosophy is shaped by how our emotion was handled in our childhood, and how we saw emotion expressed in our homes growing up.
If, in our childhood, we experienced…
Unconditional love
Parents who were responsive to our needs
Consistent and caring training and discipline
Parents who were aligned and attuned to our emotions
Our independence and dependence needs were met
Healthy Boundaries
Our parents are available, engage, and responsive to us
…then we might experience the following as adults:
Emotional security
Emotional freedom
Comfort with closeness or intimacy
Ability to trust
Secure view of self and others
Independence and confidence
A positive outlook on life
Ability to love and be loved
Stable mental response to adversity
Ability to express empathy and compassion
But if, in our childhood, we experience…
Conditional or very little love
Abandonment and rejection
Abuse
Minimization of emotion
Rejection of emotional experiences
Parents that were abusive, unavailable, or rejecting
Inconsistent love and approval
Lack of individualization (enmeshment)
Little, harsh, or no discipline and training
Parents who are critical and demeaning
… then we might experience the following as adults:
Emotional insecurity
Relational insecurity
Very low self-worth
Very low or no trust
Fear of abandonment and rejection
No confidence in being loved by others
Difficulty with independence or dependence
Depression and anxiety
Trouble expressing emotion, positive or negative.
Avoidance
Chronic anger, criticalness of others or self.
Lack of assertiveness
Cannot tolerate negativeness
Self-centered
Whether we acknowledge it or not, our childhood experiences have a tremendous impact on our adult lives.
One example:
Dr. Patrick Carnes found that 87% of sex addicts reported coming from families that were disengaged, detached, uninvolved, and emotionally absent.
Again, Dr. Barta:
Those who live in a world devoid of true emotional experience and expression:
Feelings are problematic and seen as a liability
Feelings so uncomfortable, that they need to be avoided
Very difficult time identifying their emotions
If they can identify what they feel, they often lack the skills required to regulate or express these feelings
Tend to avoid, suppress, deny, or ignore emotions, or they overly express emotions without the ability to regulate themselves.
The outcome of being raised in an emotionally vacant or emotionally abusive environment is that the child learns that his or her emotions are invalid, or that any emotion expressed is bad, wrong, and certainly dangerous.
When people are never given the opportunity to express emotion, they also never learn how to regulate their emotions, so they are led down a rabbit hole of constantly seeking other ways by which to regulate their emotions, either through behaviors or substances.
Finally back to Katherine Hill:
“When children learn to have more control over their emotions, they have a buffer against life’s knocks and are more confident and self-assured. As parents, we have a key role in helping our children learn to manage and regulate their feelings.”
Discussion:
What do you see as the biggest challenge in raising kids in your current season?
what are some things you are seeing that are concerning that you need help with?
What impacted you most about this session?
What is your view of emotion?
How did you come to that view of emotion?
Pray Together
We hoped you found this NEXTGEN CONFERENCE discussion helpful in shaping and raising the next generation for Christ. We pray you can find ways to apply it this week!