TRAINING IN THE HOME
We trust today’s message encouraged and guided you in your journey of following Jesus. These notes are meant to help you remember and reflect on the message, help you go deeper into study on the subject, or be used for a sermon group discussion.
Sermon Title: TRAINING IN THE HOME
Main Scripture: EPHESIANS 6:1-4; COLOSSIANS 3:20-21
If you’re going through this discussion with a community group this week consider taking the time to read the provided scripture to catch everyone up!
Summary:
Pastor Ryan took this Sunday to help us understand the command for children to honor and obey their kids and how parents should go about training obedience in the home. Obeying parents isn’t something kids come out of the womb knowing how to do. Even this task of training our kids and instructing them to obey us is part of the journey. We learned that we are to train our kids in obeying God. We also learned that there is a right and wrong way to discipline (train) and instruct our kids in the home. In the end, the hopeful result of our consistent training and instruction is a child who will grow up to be faithful to God. This is why we train, teach, encourage, and correct and why it’s all worth it!
Notes:
1. Parents are the primary source of discipline and instruction in the Lord.
This task is not given to the church or the state, this responsibility is given to the parents.
The church and church schools are only secondary. This means we don’t leave this duty to Calvary Christian Academy or our kids and youth pastor. We help confirm what you’ve already started in the home through teaching and living the Word of God.
Parents, we are to care more for our children’s spiritual salvation and development than our own jobs, professions, and service in the church.
2. Children need to be taught how to obey (honor) their parents.
Children need to learn how to control and subject their will to a command or request from a parent. This means we don’t allow total freedom of speech or actions in our home but we formulate boundaries and lines of what is acceptable and unacceptable. In these boundaries, our children use their will to make good choices that are still honoring and obeying God and us, as parents.
See footnote below by Andrew Murray.
3. We train our children to honor and obey God when we train them to honor and obey us.
V. 1-3 1) Children are to obey their parents as if they would the Lord. 2) Children should obey because this is right (This pleases the Lord). This isn’t just spiritual, it’s a natural, general revelation for all children in the world to obey their parents. 3) Children obey their parents because it is a “commandment” of God – to “honor your father and mother.” Honor is to obey even if not in total agreement. However, if parents are asking their children to do something that is not righteous or Biblical then the children should not obey or honor their parent’s directive.
Children learn this through our example of honor and obedience to God.
Let us then be careful that we are not training our kids to do wrong or even defend what is wrong (Matthew 18:6) God convict and correct us if we are…
4. We set our children up for a prosperous and long life (eternal life).
If the teaching of Scripture to honor God, to honor all men, to honor the widows, and to give honor to whom honor is due is to be obeyed by our children, they must be prepared for it by learning first to honor their parents. If they are to honor all men by recognizing even in the degraded and the lost the worth that belongs to them as created in the image of God, they must be carefully prepared for it in the family. It is not only to secure a happy home but also to fit the child for his future relationship with God and his fellow men, laying one of the foundation stones of a noble character and a holy life. Murray, Andrew. How to Raise Children for Christ
Proper respect for parents in the home carries into all areas of life…Respect for authority at school, work, church, community, and country. If our children can learn to respect the flawed adults in their own homes, certainly they can respect the adults they know nothing about in public. Things will go well for them.
When the bonds of family life break up, when respect for parents fails, the community becomes decadent and will not live long. Foulkes, F. (1989). Ephesians: an introduction and commentary (Vol. 10, p. 169). InterVarsity Press.
5. There’s a right and wrong way to train and instruct our kids
The Father’s responsibility is stated in a negative and then positive command. Negatively, fathers…“Do not provoke your children to anger” or “aggravate” and “discourage.”
“Earthly fathers are crucial in forming their children’s concept of the heavenly Father. They should remember that the right relationships with their children are more important than the right performance by the children. The father must avoid irritating, inciting resentment, or disheartening his children by imposing unreasonable expectations, hard or unfair treatment, severe discipline, and so forth.”
Fathers are not to exasperate (parorgizete, “provoke to anger”; used only here and in Rom. 10:19; cf. Col. 3:21) their children by unreasonable demands, petty rules, or favoritism. Such actions cause children to become discouraged (Col. 3:21) Hoehner, H. W. (1985). Ephesians. In J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck (Eds.), The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures (Vol. 2, p. 642). Victor Books.
Children shouldn’t be expected to do something they haven’t been taught and trained in first. Expectations of kids should be reasonable. We carry out our authority not with harshness but with gentleness and resolute strength. How you treat your children is a direct reflection of God as Father, so be very careful that you are representing God properly.
The positive command: “Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”
This is the ultimate goal of parenting. It’s going to be hard to train, teach, and discipline our kids in the instruction of the Lord if we are exasperating or discouraging them with unreasonable and unrealistic expectations in the home.
To bring them up means to nourish them tenderly or to give careful and loving care.
To discipline or train (interchangeable here; Grk: paideiaI) means upbringing through instruction and correction, relating to character development. Instruction (Grk: nouthesia) that comes from the Lord means just that…the path of righteousness.
Both of these words are used in 2 Tim. 3:16-17. Discipline is the training and correction of our children in the righteousness of God.
What are examples of righteousness that we can discipline and instruct? Blameless. Honest. Faithful. Obedient. Respectful. Does not gossip or slander. Does not cheat or steal. Speaks well of others. Loving. Peaceful. Gentle. Does not stand for sin or with sinners. Merciful. Generous. Giving. Patient.
To discipline and correct is to love
There is a terrible lie and misuse of scripture that discipline and correction is not loving but that isn’t true. What’s not loving is to keep sinning and wanting your parents, kids, or others to constantly forgive you.
Proverbs 3:11-12 My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
Hebrews 12:5-9 NLT
Disobedience should not be tolerated. It needs to be called out and corrected. A path of obedience needs to be spelled out and then they need to be held accountable to follow that path.
If a child does not obey then a consequence must be delivered upon. We need to have the courage and love our kids enough to deliver on the consequence.
Giving in or giving whatever our children want because we are tired, exhausted, or “done” is not okay.
Obedience to parents and to God should be celebrated.
6. The Hopeful Result: Faithfulness to God.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Where are you leading them? Are you leading them to go in the way of the Lord? “This is the highest duty of Christian parents ...Parents should care more for the loyalty of their children to Christ than for anything besides, more for this than for their health, their intellectual vigour and brilliance, their material prosperity, their social position, their exemption from great sorrows and great misfortunes. Foulkes, F. (1989). Ephesians: an introduction and commentary (Vol. 10, p. 170). InterVarsity Press.
The child who is lovingly trained to know God in wonder and love and respectful obedience will not reject the godly teachings and influence of his or her parents. However, this is not a guarantee that all children of godly parents will remain true to God and His Word when it comes time for them to make their own choices. The influence of the world, as well as the example of unfaithful followers, can cause them to give in to temptation (See Ezek 14:14-20 where God speaks of spiritual rebellion so intense that even righteous men like Noah, Daniel and Job could not save their own sons or daughters). But children who have been trained at a young age with Godly influences will be less likely to reject God and His ways.” Fire Bible
Parents will not parent perfectly. Children will not obey and honor perfectly. But this is the hopeful result, faithfulness to God.
Parents
Be devoted to the three presents we learned last week: presents of Godly parenting. Be present with God, present with your kids, and present faith in God.
Your kids will copy you and even as teenagers they are learning from you how to view God, His church, and His mission on earth.
Be careful to make church important. Make a day or evening out for church a joyful experience. Be careful how you speak or carry yourself getting ready on Sunday morning, Wednesday evening, or for one of our events. Make Sunday a family day and even share it with friends from church. Grab lunch or ice cream. Have your kids bring their friends. Carefully guard your attitude towards the church body and leadership. Speak lovingly and respectfully of all who belong to the body of Christ.
Children
God is watching and cares about how you obey and honor your parents.
Be patient with us as parents as we are being commanded to do a lot of things and your role is to follow and obey.
When you obey and respect your parents you bring honor to Dad, Mom, and God.
Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end, you will be counted among the wise.
Footnote:
The importance of this word obedience is more than the mind can grasp. God created man with his wonderful liberty of will that he might obey Him. Obedience to God was to lead to the enjoyment of God. By disobedience, sin entered; in obedience, the twofold obedience of Christ and to Christ, salvation comes (Hebrews 5:8-9). The parent has the sacred charge of training the child to obey, linking happiness and love in home life with obedience. The will of the child, with his mind and affections, is given into the parent’s hands to mold and guide. In yielding his will to the will of the parent, the child acquires that mastery over his will, which leads to strength and safety, making him a fit instrument for doing God’s will. Man was created free that he might obey; obedience is the path to liberty. On this point parents often err; they often say that to develop the will of the child, the will must be left free, and the child left to decide for himself. They forget that the will of the child is not free; passion and prejudice, selfishness and ignorance seek to influence the child in the wrong direction. The superior judgment, calmer deliberation, and fuller experience of the parent are to decide for the child. But are we in danger of repressing the healthy development of a child’s moral powers by demanding submission to our will? By no means. The true liberty of the will consists in our being master of it, such that we become our own masters. Train a child to master his will in giving it up to his parents’ requests, and he acquires the mastery to use it when he is free. Yielding to a parent’s direction is the path to self-control, and self-control alone is liberty. -Murray, Andrew. How to Raise Children for Christ (Updated and Annotated): A Guide for Excellent Christian Parenting (pp. 71-72). Aneko Press. Kindle Edition.
Discussion:
What did God use in this sermon to speak to your heart or situation?
In what ways did this message help you understand discipline, training, and instruction in the home?
What did training to obey Dad and Mom look like in your home?
What did or does training in righteousness (obedience to God) look like in your home?
What are some examples of unhealthy training and teaching that risk provoking kids to anger or agrevation?
What is the hopeful result of training and instructing our kids in the Lord?
What other notes did you highlight or write down that you would like to share?
The most important decision you will ever make!
Are you ready to experience salvation and be transformed? We encourage you to process this decision with a strong believer and when you’re ready say a simple prayer like this from your heart: Dear God, I acknowledge and admit I have sinned. I see my need for Jesus Christ. I believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I believe I am forgiven and cleansed of my sin by His death. I also believe I have eternal life because of His resurrection from the dead. I repent, I turn away from my old ways and I choose to live my life to worship you and follow Jesus, amen!
We would love to know if you made the decision to accept this wonderful gift from God. Let us know here.
Pray Together
We hoped you found this AFTER THE SERMON discussion helpful for your walk with Jesus. We pray you can find ways to apply it this week!