STRONGER-Part 15-AFTER THE SERMON
We trust today’s message encouraged and guided you in your journey of following Jesus. These notes are meant to help you remember and reflect on the message, help you go deeper into study on the subject, or to be used for a sermon group discussion. CLICK HERE to find a discussion group. Enjoy!
Sermon Title: Stronger Marriages
Main Scripture: Ephesians 5:21-33
If you’re going through this discussion with a community group this week consider taking the time to read the provided scripture to catch everyone up!
Check out this overview of the entire book, especially the first chapters of Ephesians to better understand the depth of Ephesians 1 Ephesians Overview
Summary:
What I love about the book of Ephesians is how Paul covers a variety of areas in the Christian life. So far there has been a great focus from Paul on our relationship with God, our relationship with one another in the family of God and how we live in this world. We learned last week that to be filled with the Spirit is not only wise but is a command for all believers. The result of being spirit-filled is being full of power, love and sel-control. Flowing from a spirit-filled life would be songs of praise, joy, and thanksgiving to God. But Paul wasn’t done. The structure of his letter has verse 21 as a bridge that continues into our relationships in the home. The final consequence or result of being Spirit-filled is the grace of mutual respect and submission in the body of Christ. Paul gets specific on how this mutual submission looks in three relationships at that time, marriage between a woman and a man, children and their parents, slaves and their masters. Interwoven into this marriage instruction is the marriage of Christ and the church. Paul causes us to stop and think about how to live in harmony in our marriage, using Christ’s love and service to the church.
Pastor Ryan’s teaching notes:
Inference into the scripture. There is and always will be the struggle of not inferring into scripture what we want it to say, what we think it says, allowing culture to shape our view, or allowing poor Biblical interpretation to lead to a false understanding of the text. A great deal of misinterpretation and even blatant abuse of this text has been used to wield unbiblical and demeaning authority over women. The issue is squashed immediately in our first verse.
Let’s read our scripture for today: 5:21-33.
V. 21 Mutual submission
Submission in the context of a Christian relationship includes the idea of putting someone else, and their needs, above ourselves. This is not for personal benefit, but rather out of "reverence for Christ." When we serve others, we serve the Lord.
Philippians 2:1-8
Matthew 25:35-40
It would be common for women, children and slaves to be told to submit, but to include men in the list would be unheard of in the Greco-Roman culture. -Keener, NT Bible Background Commentary, pg 551.
“The wife must submit (i.e., yield in love) to the husband’s responsibility of leadership in the family. The husband must submit to the needs of the wife in an attitude of love and self-giving. Children must submit to the authority of the parents in obedience, and parents must submit to the needs of their children and bring them up in the instruction of the Lord.” -Full Life Commentary, Pg 1074.
The following verses need to be read with verse 21 in mind.
V. 22-24 For wives submission means...
First, this principle is applied specifically within marriage. Those in dating relationships, social or employment contexts, or a woman with respect to another woman's husband are not included.
Second, submission is based on being "as to the Lord." In other words, submission is not based on the character or performance of the other individual. Instead, there is an unconditional treatment of the husband based on love for him and for God. Wives are to show love to their husbands regardless of whether they feel the husband "deserves" it. Though perhaps extremely difficult at times, this is the biblical ideal. Same goes for husbands.
Lastly, It should also be noted that this deals with marriage, not abuse. Anyone in an abusive situation must seek personal safety as first priority. Nothing in Paul's teachings, here or elsewhere in the Bible, commands a woman to keep herself or her children physically available for spousal abuse. -Bibleref.com
The meaning of the word submit here: Hupotasso, a Greek military term meaning "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader". But In non-military use, such as a marriage, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden."
“Paul uses the middle voice in Greek to emphasize the voluntary nature of wives’ submission.” In other words, it is not forced. Hupotasso denotes, “submission in the sense of voluntarily yielding in love” (BAGD, 848).
Paul doesn’t give an example of what submission looks like but he points to how the church submits to Christ...How does the church submit to Christ? (v. 24) We humble ourselves, we yield to His leadership, we follow His way. We serve, we love, honor and respect Jesus.
Jesus doesn’t force our loyalty, humble service and love, Jesus attracts it through His humility, love and service to us.
Therefore, Paul is calling wives to have a voluntary attitude of humbly loving, serving, and respecting their husbands as if they’re serving the Lord.
What are you humbly submitting and giving yourself to, wives? The love of Christ, expressed through your husband. (No pressure, husbands!)
V. 25-27 For husbands, submission means…
Our scripture spends more time explaining how husbands ought to love their wives because this was completely out of the norm. Husbands in the greco-roman world had no obligation to serve or put their wives first, but in the family of God we do.
“Notice that Paul does not stress the husband’s ‘authority over his wife but his love for her’ (Stott, 231). The husband's headship or authority is not that of a domineering man who makes all decisions and requires submission by his wife. Rather, Paul carefully safeguards the dignity and well-being of a wife by defining her husband’s authority in terms of the power and depth of his self-sacrificing love for her.” -Full Life Commentary, page 1077
*In verse 25 Paul confronts the husband with a difficult charge: Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.
The husband has a great task. He must love his wife the way Jesus loves the church, which is of great sacrifice, love and selfless servitude. (Agape love). Husbands, men, if you didn’t have a role model in your home, let me encourage you to study how Jesus served and loved the church.
Jesus didn’t come to be served and He didn’t wait to be loved, Jesus initiated both. Husbands, we lead well, when we humbly take the initiative to love and serve our wives.
V. 28-32 We submit to one another because we are united as one.
Paul quotes Genesis 2:24. Jesus affirms this in Matthew 19:4-6. 1 Corinthians 7:4 we belong to one another, mutual.
Theologian and pastor John Stott (Issues facing Christians today, 4th ed., p343f) sees the husband as the head but in a role of ‘responsibility’: responsibility to love sacrificially, and responsibility to care selflessly. Stott says, “The husband’s headship of his wife…is a liberating mix of care and responsibility rather than control and authority. This distinction is of far-reaching importance. It takes our vision of the husband’s role away from questions of domination and decision-making into the sphere of service and nurture.” This view fits best in this context.
Jesus was a servant leader and taught servant leadership: Mark 10:42-45 (The greatest in the kingdom of God; John 13:12-15 (Jesus washed the disciple’s feet).
We submit to one another because we are united as one.
Paul quotes Genesis 2:24; also affirmed by Jesus in Matt. 19:4-6.
33 Paul recaps. The amplified version captures the essence of this teaching well:
33 However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear]. -AMP version.
Application:
Our solar energy story
When we mutually submit to one another with love and respect we both are fulfilled, our marriage is stronger and our unity brings glory to God!
Jesus should be at the center of our marriages. We look to Jesus to guide us in how we submit, love and serve each other in marriage. When we do, our marriages will be stronger because Christ's love holds us together.
The love/serve cycle: Love as you would want to be loved. Serve as you would want to be served. I share with every couple the love/serve cycle. If you serve one another, in every way possible, you are practicing a selfless, sacrificial life that resembles Christ, but you also receive what you need to be complete. God will mature your heart and attitude towards each other as you give and serve one another. The cycle means both of you are fulfilled. It’s beautiful, it’s God.
Submission to Christ is not burdensome because Jesus shows great care and grace for the church. It is a joy and will be a joy when we mutually love, serve and respect each other in marriage.
Husband, lead with the grace and love of Christ so your wife’s submission to you is a joyful experience. As I said to a groom at a wedding once, “Be someone worth submitting to.”
Wife, love and respect with the humility and grace of Christ so your husband's submission to you is a joyful experience.
Husbands, our wives want us to lead. We must take seriously the responsibility laid upon us by God. We should lead our family to God, disciple our kids in the Word and prayer. Help and support our wives in their knowledge and faith in Jesus Christ.
Discussion:
What was one big takeaway for you from today’s message?
What something new you learned, from the message?
What scripture verse stuck out to you and why?
What did you sense the Holy Spirit was saying to you during this message?
How is God’s kingdom view of marriage different from our current worldview?
Have you ever experienced the joy of being in a love/serve cycle with your spouse? How was it a joyful experience?
If married, how could you submit yourself better to love and serve your spouse?
If single, how did this make you think about God’s love for you?
The most important decision you will ever make!
Are you ready to experience salvation and be transformed we encourage you to say a simple prayer like this from your heart: Dear God, I see my sin and how wrong it is. I see how without Jesus I’m lost. I believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Thank you for saving me from my sin, my past, this world, and your judgment. I repent, I turn away from that life and I put my faith and life in Jesus! Amen!
We would love to know if you made the decision to accept this wonderful gift from God. Let us know!
Pray Together
We hoped you found this AFTER THE SERMON discussion helpful for your walk with Jesus. We pray you can find ways to apply it this week!