GET ALONG TOGETHER
When you spend time with other believers, whether in a small group, one-on-one discipleship, or serving together, you're bound to experience a community that is imperfect and a little messy. Serving, for example, brings different personalities and different giftings together. So when you have a team of three choleric leaders who are all gifted to lead and teach, it's probably going to get interesting on a mission trip or in a small group. Marriage is two people willing to love and accept each other's imperfections. Or as Ruth Bell Graham put it, "A happy Marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” We have to expect the reality of imperfect relationships in the home and the church. We all should agree, though we all need to grow and put in the intentional effort to be the new creation we are in Christ. So, how do we get along and even grow together through this…Thankfully, the Bible gives us plenty of scripture to guide us in living in grace and harmony with one another.
Colossians 3:12-17 NLT
Paul reminds the church that God has called all believers to be holy and godly, which is different than the world around us. Paul calls us to think, see, and act heavenly and God honoring in all matters of life.
Paul says you must clothe yourselves and begins to list off virtues or graces, attributes of Christ. This means Paul is saying choose to put on the life of Christ, specifically in our social circles. This means we have to be conscientious about our thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors towards those around us.
Paul is famous for character lists and begins to give virtues that help us get along in the church, family, and marriage (and unbelievers).
V. 12-15
These virtues revealed are gracious and inclined towards keeping harmony in an imperfect church.
Put on tenderhearted mercy or compassion.
Paul connected these two together in his writings to the church. Philippians 2:1-2 NLT Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.
These virtues express mercy and heartfelt compassion for someone, versus paying back someone who has wronged us.
Consider God’s compassion or mercy on us in Psalm 103:8-10 The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; 10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
Put on Kindness
Being kind is similar to tender mercy and compassion. Have you ever served someone or helped someone who isn’t treating you well, maybe treating you poorly, but you show mercy or kindness in the process? You consider they may be having a bad day or bad week, and your reaction is to show kindness.
Or maybe someone is serving you, and instead of tipping based on their poor quality of service, you are kind and merciful and tip 20% or more anyway…
Health insurance call. I called to share that I've paid a bill, but I continue to get invoices for the same visit. My tone was kind and gentle, but from the beginning, the operator was quick and short with me in tone and words. I immediately stopped and said, I just want you to know I'm not mad, a little inconvenienced, but not mad. It was obvious that she had a bad day with calls, and I feel compassion for those in this line of work, so I said, “It sounds like you may have been treated poorly today on the phone…Having a rough one? I’m sorry. I'm not calling mad or trying to ruin your day.” She immediately said “yes,” and gave a sigh of relief when she realized I wasn't hostile, and changed her tone. She spoke to me with fresh energy, and I was able to encourage her that day over the phone.
Humility
Humility is crucial to harmony in the body of Christ. The humble know they are imperfect and can be honest about it.
The humble see and catch the weaknesses of their flesh and correct their wrong ways so they don’t continue to hurt others around them. When they do hurt someone, they notice and apologize.
The humble are teachable. The humble receive loving rebukes that are just and fair as an act of kindness.
The humble will lead conflicts into peace by being the first to admit their wrong. This act of humility diffuses situations before they ever explode into more and often leads the other side to calm down, admit their wrong, too, and let the offense go.
Pride does just the opposite of all these things…Pride blinds you from seeing that what you are doing is wrong. Pride refuses to truly apologize because being right is more important. Pride knows it all, so it isn’t teachable. Pride refuses to admit wrongs, so situations never get truly resolved. Pride comes before the fall.
Gentleness/Meekness
This word gentleness here means “the quality of not being overly impressed by a sense of one’s self-importance. Moo, D. J. (2008). The letters to the Colossians and to Philemon (pp. 277–278). William B. Eerdmans Pub. Co.
I believe meekness is the better word used here in our translations from the Greek into English, and it’s closely related to humility. Paul ties these two together in Ephesians 4:2 NLT Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.
In other words, the meek don’t hold a high view of themselves, but think humbly and soberly about themselves. You know you’re not better than everyone else, so in your dealings with those who offend you, you treat them fairly and gently because this is how you would want to be treated. You are meek and gentle.
Patience
Self-restraint, a steady response in the face of provocation. Self-control…enduring…some say long-suffering…“Patience” refers to the kind of reaction we should display toward them. Moo, D. J. (2008). The letters to the Colossians and to Philemon (p. 278). William B. Eerdmans Pub. Co.
Making allowance for one another’s faults/bearing with one another/forbearance
You can see how these all tie together. This is very close to patience and long-suffering.
Making allowance for one another’s faults is posturing your expectations of people that they aren’t perfect, so you can expect faults. We bear with the immaturity and imperfections that need to grow and mature.
Forgiveness
Forebearance and forgiveness are close together. Do not even let someone’s words or actions cut your heart, and if they did, immediately forgive…freely forgive or show grace without them even knowing what they have done.
It may be that the offending person had little, if any, awareness of what he had done. The offended should take initiative in enduring and forgiving, rather than waiting for the offender to apologize.
The opposite of this would be to harbor bitterness and hold a grudge. This is a heavy burden to bear and an emotional detriment to people.
I’m reminded of the words of Jesus on the cross: Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.
Love
Love binds and holds all these virtues and all of us together. Because at the end of the day, all of these virtues are expressions of love.
1 Peter 4:8 NIV Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Peace and thankfulness
Peace rule in your hearts. The word rule here has the idea of an umpire. Making decisions in your heart that will keep peace within the community, so being a peacemaker and peacekeeper.
Sometimes this means surrendering your way and yielding to others.
Romans 12:18 NIV: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Ephesians 4:3 NLT Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.
The combination of thankfulness and peace is a logical one. Generally, a lack of peace results from self-seeking or dissatisfaction with things as they are. Thankfulness points one to the realization that all things are provided in Christ. There is no room for ill will or bitterness if thankfulness prevails. Melick, R. R. (1991). Philippians, Colossians, Philemon (Vol. 32, p. 302). Broadman & Holman Publishers.
V. 16-17
Keep the Word of God in your hearts. Whatever you do, whether word or deed, let it be done in the name and honor of the Lord.
Galatians 5:13-25 NLT
Application and Context
Being in marriage, in a family, in a church, or at a workplace reveals the maturity of our virtues, but it doesn't grow them. We have to choose to put on the graces of Christ, the virtues and qualities of Christ, when those opportunities arise. We have an opportunity to stop, challenge, and choose how we are going to react or respond to moments in relational community. Do we react or respond with the flesh, or will we walk in step with the fruit of the Spirit?
Yes, believers are imperfect people, and we must be conscientious about not living by the flesh. But more importantly, we are saved and sanctified. We are God’s Holy people, capable of living out the virtues of Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit living in us. In other words, don’t let the truth of being imperfect make you lean into that side of your life. Lean into the truth that you are a new creation in Christ, holy, and called to live like Christ.
Don’t use the imperfect as an excuse. Don't abuse the grace of others. Be grateful for the grace, take it to heart, and make changes. We are imperfect people pursuing the perfection of God in our lives. Grow up in the faith, grow up in maturity, and live by the Spirit, not the flesh.
If you’re one to be offended by everything, you may have a high view of yourself and think you do no wrong. You’re not perfect, and you don’t walk on water. Offense leads to holding grudges. Before you keep holding grudges, let me ask you…Should God hold onto His anger, hold back His grace and forgiveness for all the things you've done, so you go to hell? The only one who had a right to hold onto offense didn't. Life is too short. Let it go. People have been letting go of your offenses more than you realize.
Read the Word of God with a humble heart and let God teach, rebuke, correct, and train us to be more like Christ. If we don’t, we are more likely to live by the flesh more than the Spirit, and the people around us will feel it.
Discussion
What is one thing from the message that resonated with you?
Have you experienced a “messy” community in your life? If so, what made it messy?
How can we make allowance for each other’s faults?
Pastor Ryan mentioned not using “imperfect” as an excuse, how can we balance making allowances for faults while still addressing issues when necessary?
How do you usually respond when someone offends or disappoints you?
Which relationships in your life are currently testing your patience or forgiveness and how might you approach those with a heart of grace this week?
What additional notes did you make during the sermon?
What can we pray for regarding the sermon? Do you have any prayer needs?
The most important decision you will ever make!
If you’re ready to trust in Jesus for salvation and eternal life, we encourage you to process this decision with a strong believer and when you’re ready, say a simple prayer like this from your heart: Dear God, I acknowledge and admit I have sinned. I see my need for Jesus Christ. I believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I believe I am forgiven and cleansed of my sin by His death. I also believe I have eternal life because of His resurrection from the dead. I repent, I turn away from my old ways and I choose to live my life to worship you and follow Jesus, Amen!
We would love to know if you decided to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Let us know here.
Pray Together
We hope you found this AFTER THE SERMON discussion helpful for your walk with Jesus. We pray you can find ways to apply it this week!