SESSION 3 - NEXTGEN CONFERENCE

We trust tonight’s message encouraged and guided you in your journey of raising up the next generation. These notes are meant to help you remember and reflect on the message, help you go deeper into study on the subject, or be used for a sermon group discussion.

NEXTGEN CONFERENCE: SESSION 3

Main Scripture: 2 Corinthians 7:10–11

If you’re going through this discussion with a community group this week consider taking the time to read the provided scripture to catch everyone up!

Notes:

Where Do We Go From Here?

1.     Hold on to God’s Blueprint

• Commit or recommit to the Lord

• Know the Word

• Be strong in the Lord

• Understand the enemy’s tactics

• Take a stand

• Protect your children

2.     Seek Healing and Growth

• Individual healing

• Counseling and accountability

• Learning about the difficult areas of life

  • Read

  • Study

  • Be a student of your weaknesses

• Gain an understanding of what is healthy vs. what is unhealthy

  • Behavior

  • Thoughts

  • Emotions

• Seek marital and relational repair

3.     Build Resilience

• Resilient

  • Spring back, rebounding

  • Returning to the original form or position, after being bent, compressed, or stretched

  • Recovering readily from illness, adversity, or the like; buoyant

• Resiliency

  • The power or ability of a material to return to its original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched, elasticity

  • The ability of a person to adjust to or recover from illness, adversity, major life, changes, etc.

“The experience of undergoing adversity without suffering debilitating effects“
-Noam Shpancer

Katherine Hill describes it as the ability to ‘bounce back’ and recover from a setback in life. She says it is “not only getting back to normal after facing difficulty, but learning from the process in order to deal with the next challenge that comes along.”

Katherine Hill Quotes:

“Resilience is key to our children’s well-being. Resilient children tend to be more optimistic and motivated, think more creatively, develop strategies for problem-solving, enjoy good friendships, communicate well and have higher self-esteem.“

• It is learning from the difficult adverse situations in life.

• It is developing perseverance through the struggles and challenges we face.

'“The key to resilience is mindset: how we think about whatever setback we are facing. Our children’s first reaction on facing a challenge that seems too hard is often to get into a loop of negative thinking, blaming others or themselves. As parents, we can encourage their thought patterns to default to a loop of positive thinking where they will see challenges or problems as opportunities to problem solve and develop new skills.”

Building resilience in our children involves:

• Modeling resilience ourselves

  • How do we handle adversity?

  • Can we model patience and perseverance?

  • Can we control our anger reactions?

  • Can we refrain from judging others?

• Allowing children to experience pain without fixing it.

• In that pain, walking through it with them.

• Watch and take advantage of teaching moments.

• Model and teach the concept of delaying gratification

Katherine Hill’s action points:

• Give children opportunities to take on every day challenges

• Allow natural consequences

• See the funny side

• Teach forgiveness

4.     The Importance of Repair

• Awareness of what went wrong

• Desire to make things right

• What Godly sorrow does.
  2 Corinthians 7:10–11

• Asking for Forgiveness and Grace

• Persistent behavioral change
  Repentance

• Using resilience to keep new behavioral patterns permanent.

• Connect to the spiritual power of change

5.     Change the DNA of Your Relationships

• Solidify commitment to change

• Transform how we communicate

• Change how we see others

• Create new emotional connections

• Watch out for and guard against old patterns
  Awareness is the Key

• Becoming more patient with others’ weaknesses and mistakes

• Practice empathy, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness

• Encourage and reward new patterns

6.     Take Action
(Advice from Katherine Hill)

• Recognize negative emotions as an opportunity to connect

  • “Unexpressed emotions do not die, they are simply buried and come out later”

  • “Bring our child’s issues out into the open and use it as an opportunity to deepen our relationship with them.”

  • Read body language

  • Helps with a child’s fear of emotions

• Don’t punish, dismiss, or scold your child for being emotional.

  • They can feel, but we can and must set limits on their behavior.

• Help your child label their emotions.

  • Give them a name

• Don’t convey judgment or frustration

  • “Try to put yourself in their shoes and see the issue from their point of view.”

• Set limits and problem solve

  • Ground rules can teach them how to respond from their feelings.

  • “Encourage them to think through their responses so they can express their feelings better next time.”

• Don’t underestimate your child’s ability to learn and grow.

  • “Our children have all the raw material to be able to develop into emotionally mature adults – they simply need a listening ear, a hand to hold, and a parent who can help grow that capacity in them.”

When it comes to boys…

Research shows that when boys embrace a misleading message about what it means to be a man, it can affect their mental well-being. Our boys need to see involved, emotionally confident dads or dad figures who recognize that acknowledging and sharing their feelings is as vital to their overall health as a session at the gym. They need parents to give them the vital message that sometimes big boys – and girls – do cry. It’s OK to be emotional.

Action Points

• Label your own emotions

• Accept your child’s emotional responses

• Use music as a balm

• Deep breathing slows the heartbeat and expels stress

• Acknowledge your child’s strong emotions

• Help your child with anger

Important points to consider:

• “Our success, as parents is not defined by how happy are children are.”
  Not our fault entirely if kids are unhappy

• Understanding and showing empathy is not swooping in and fixing the problem

  • “Our ability to listen and to empathize - to validate their feelings – that will matter moves to our children.”

• Even when we feel sad for them, let them work through and talk about how they feel. Don’t minimize.

• Don’t be afraid to share your own experiences with your children. You have been there.

• Don’t allow their crying or sadness to be labeled by anyone else in the family or friends.

Sherri Gordon shares the following points in her article, “How to Raise an Emotionally Healthy Child”.

• Share unconditional love

•  Praise character not just grades

• Prioritize family time

• Communicate early and often

• Create a safe place

Discussion:

• What impacted you most about this session?

• What action steps mentioned in the session was the most helpful?

• What do you feel you need to do to help improve resilience in your own home?

Pray Together

We hoped you found this NEXTGEN CONFERENCE discussion helpful in shaping and raising the next generation for Christ. We pray you can find ways to apply it this week!

Family Services Resources:

Anew Mental Health
819 South Governors Avenue, Dover, DE
(302) 678-4558

Delaware Guidance Services for Children & Youth
103 Mont Blanc Blvd., Dover, DE
(302) 678-3020

Delaware Guidance Services Mobile Response and Stabilization Services (Crisis)
1 (800) 969-4357

Center for Mental Wellness
(302) 674-1397

Mental Edge Counseling
1198 South Governors Avenue Building A Suite 201 Dover, DE
(302) 382-8698

Delaware 211 Essential Community Services
Dial 211

National Institute of Child Mental Health
Website

Division of Public Health (DHSS)
Website

Peoples Place
4 Locations in Delaware

Division of Substance Abuse and Mental Health
(For children and adults) Website