WHO GODLY PEOPLE MARRY
We trust today’s message encouraged and guided you in your journey of following Jesus. These notes are meant to help you remember and reflect on the message, help you go deeper into study on the subject, or be used for a sermon group discussion.
Sermon Title: WHO GODLY PEOPLE MARRY
Main Scripture: 2 Corinthians 6:14-18; Deuteronomy 7:1-6
If you’re going through this discussion with a community group this week consider taking the time to read the provided scripture to catch everyone up!
Summary:
Before Pastor Ryan jumps into marriage he unpacked a simple message about the importance of being equally yoked or spiritually compatible in a person’s search for someone to marry. Who should Godly people marry? It’s simple, Godly people. God was clear on this standard again and again in scripture because the purpose of our relationship with Him is to be a Godly person, in a Godly marriage, building a Godly family. These are the basic blueprints God has given us and it wouldn’t make sense to start a romantic relationship with someone who does not worship God or have the same convictions. Pastor Ryan also took time to answer some common questions people have related to this topic.
Notes:
Before we learn God's blueprints for marriage it's important that we address the subject of who we should marry. I could speak on a lot of topics and will most likely put more content out on this subject, especially for our singles and young generation, but today, we focus on the most important thing.
Who should a Godly person date and marry? A Godly person. Believers are to seek out and marry believers, not unbelievers. This has been God’s standard from the beginning so the married couple who is faithful to love God will raise children who are faithful to love God. By God’s grace, some have married unbelievers, and that spouse eventually comes around to the Lord. That’s the exception to the rule. But this series is about learning and following God’s intended design from the start for marriage and family so we start building our families from His blueprints and not our own.
Scripture: What does God’s Word say?
2 Corinthians 6:14-18 NIV
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers” (v. 14a). Clearly this is not an injunction against all association with unbelievers (cf. 1 Cor 5:9, 10, 10:27)...Rather, this is a prohibition against forming close attachments with non-Christians. Paul’s agricultural metaphor (“You must not get into a double harness with unbelievers”—C.K. Barrett) is based on the command of Deuteronomy 22:10 that prohibited the yoking of an ox and a donkey for plowing…it clearly involved compromise with heathendom, such as contracting mixed (not racial but religious mixed) marriages (cf. Deut 7:1–6)...In the expanded form the principle might be expressed thus: “Do not form any relationship, whether temporary or permanent, with unbelievers that would lead to a compromise of Christian standards or jeopardize consistency of Christian witness. And why such separation? Because the unbeliever does not share the Christian’s standards, sympathies, or goals.” Harris, M. J. (1976). 2 Corinthians. In F. E. Gaebelein (Ed.), The Expositor’s Bible Commentary: Romans through Galatians (Vol. 10, p. 359). Zondervan Publishing House.
Paul has in mind an alliance with spiritual opposites, and the image of harnessing oneself to someone who is spiritually incompatible evokes images of spiritual disaster. Those who bear Christ’s yoke (Matt 11:30) cannot share it with others who deny Christ. Those who harness themselves together with unbelievers will soon find themselves plowing Satan’s fields. Garland, D. E. (1999). 2 Corinthians (Vol. 29, p. 331). Broadman & Holman Publishers.
Genesis 6:1–13. “Here we discover the cause of God’s judgment in the flood: violence that develops from the corruption of intermarriage (1, 2, 12). The seed of the woman (Adam and Eve, God’s line) marries the seed of the serpent; the line of Seth (God’s line) marries the line of Cain (Satan’s line). 11 This intermarriage is religious and covenantal, not racial since there is only one race at the time.12 God records what happens when children of godly parents marry unbelievers. One of Satan’s chief tactics in destroying God’s creation is the intermarriage of the sons of God and the daughters of men.” Scipione, George C.. The Battle for the Biblical Family (pp. 174-175). Crown & Covenant Publications. Kindle Edition.
Deuteronomy 7:1-6 (This was for religious purposes, not based on the color of skin or ethnicity.) To marry someone who worshiped other gods would lead them, especially their children, away from the Lord to worship false gods and idols.
The warning and consequences of marrying unbelievers are well recorded in scripture: Exodus 34:15-16; Joshua 23:6-16; Judges 3:1-8; 1 Kings 3:1; 7:8; 11:2; Nehemiah 13:26; Malachi 2:11.
God’s Standard
A Godly marriage requires unity around God. Therefore, we should not be yoked with an unbeliever in our dating or pre-marital relationship. This standard was a non-negotiable in my home growing up and is a non-negotiable standard in my home now. If I liked a girl and I told my parents or they found out (LOL) My parents would ask me, “Does she have a relationship with God?” Implying, is she a Christian? Is she A God-fearing girl? Is she a Christ follower? Does she love God?
Why this standard is critical…
Marriage and family are meant to be full of God so the world will experience His truth and grace and also worship Him.
God is first for a Godly person. His Word guides our thoughts and conduct on everything in life. How we should spend our time, our energy, our money, our goals, and our dreams, are all guided and held accountable by God’s Word. How we love and treat our spouse is found in the Word. How we love and nurture our kids, what we teach, and the values we pass down are guided through the Word. Salvation, water baptism, worship, and serving God are all critical areas to lead your family in. But what if one spouse does not hold onto the Word of God, the blueprints? What if one spouse did not have a Godly upbringing and has a different view on how all of these things will be handled? What if one views that a divorce is a viable option instead of fighting for the marriage or that other religions all lead to God so let our kids choose…If you’re going to build a life and family with someone surely they should be using the same blueprints as you.
Here is a challenge with this critical pursuit: Unfortunately, the watering down of what it means to be a Christian has made it difficult to discern a true Christian who will uphold and live in a faithful relationship with God. A Christian by name only, but not by lifestyle, is what we call a nominal Christian. People label themselves Christian but have little to no resemblance to Christ in their lives. This would not pass in my eyes as someone to marry. I was looking for someone who practiced and demonstrated her faith in God as a natural outflow of who she is on the inside. I was looking for someone who chased after God and put God first in her life. If I was second that was okay because God would make her the woman of my dreams.
What does a Godly person look like?
What are we (me and Rachel) raising my son and daughter to be and what am I teaching my son and daughter to look for in a spouse?
A worshiper of God, in all of life, not just at church. Genuinely follow and imitate Jesus. 1 John 2:6: Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did. Look for someone who does the same, especially who resembles Jesus. Consistency is key.
A person who knows God and His Word. Look for someone who does the same. Especially obeys the Word.
A person who loves God and loves others. Look for someone who shows genuine love for God and others. What attracted me to my wife was her love and kindness towards people, but also the love of her family. Her devoted and loving family meant Rachel knew what it looked like to raise our children in the same way.
Full of the Holy Spirit and demonstrates the fruit of the Spirit. My wife was always smiling, so was I. I could tell she had the joy of the Lord in her life and that was attractive to me (The fruit of the Spirit - Galatians 5:22-23).
A person who knows God’s purpose for them. Get your purpose from God and look for someone who knows the same. When we know God and His Word we learn our purpose in this life is to love and serve Him. This doesn’t necessarily mean full-time ministry, but we all are meant to be full-time disciples of Jesus! People of God know their 9-5 job isn’t who they are, but being a disciple of Christ is who they truly are so they look at work as a place to show the love and light of Jesus. People of purpose know they want to serve the church body because they know their identity in Christ is to be part of the body of Christ.
Notice, none of this had to do with physical attributes or money. Both are fleeting and don’t always last forever. Those things can be considered like attraction is natural and you don't want to marry someone who doesn't care to manage their finances.
These are just a few things I am raising my kids in so they will have the eyes to look for the same thing in their future search for a spouse. (Key word, future, lol)
COMMON QUESTIONS
How involved should parents be in helping their kids grow up and find a spouse?
Let me show you why our kids need our help! Play funny video here
In all reality, this begins in the upbringing of what you teach and pass down to your children so they will choose according to the Word of God. Parents are supposed to be a part of this process and even more so now in a world that is choosing to deny God’s blueprints and rewrite their own. We already taught our children that God does not honor same-sex relationships or marriage and we won’t either. Now, we have to clarify trans relationships. This is against God’s beautiful design for the family and the well-being of our society.
We can’t assume our kids know, we have to intentionally disciple these matters. (In my home, I will be involved as I polish my shotgun in front of the first guy who comes over saying he’s interested in getting to know my daughter. LOL)
We are striving to have these conversations with our kids now so they will feel safe and free to come to us for counsel and advice.(The perfect world, I know ;) If they don’t we’ll buy lunch and drop some wisdom to think about. We could always go back to arranged marriages ;)
But remember, what to look for in a spouse is something we already started teaching and demonstrating in our own example of marriage.
Culturally, things have changed. People are waiting longer and longer to get married. This changes the dynamic of parent involvement since their children are getting married in their 30s.
What do I do if I become a believer but my spouse is still an unbeliever?
1 Corinthians 7:12-14; 20
What If I’m a believer and the person I am pursuing isn’t a believer, can I try to get them saved so we will be equally yoked?
We call that missionary dating. On rare occasions, it works but it’s not what God’s Word guides. It’s hard to tell if the boyfriend or girlfriend authentically chooses to trust in Jesus or is it so they don’t lose you. What’s more important? Your relationship together or that person’s eternal relationship with God? Could God use your faithfulness and devotion to Him to wake the other person up and see how serious a relationship with God is? Yes, but I would still suggest looking for the fruit I mentioned before that I am using with my kids.
Is it okay to live together and share the same bed before marriage?
No. The Bible says at marriage the man leaves his father and mother, not before marriage.
I think we all know where that temptation will lead us and I would highly discourage it. Sex is meant to be shared in the covenant of marriage. Anything outside of marriage is what the Bible calls sexual immorality (sinful).
In the Bible, they would be betrothed to each other for a year and not live together so they could prepare themselves for the wedding ceremony but also for life together. This gave them the opportunity to get to know each other in a personal way without physical intimacy that way the marriage wasn’t established primarily on physical connection but a spiritual, social, and emotional connection.
If you’re living in the same house and you’ve been together I guess I would ask what are you waiting for…Let’s honor God’s design, let’s trust Him at His word and do what He says. Seek out pre-marital counseling to help with this process.
Close
Singles, Young Adults, and Teenagers. You can spare yourself from a lot of painful experiences if you follow God’s Word and plan for you in seeking a person who loves God.
Married couples you’re stuck with who you have. Lol just kidding. There's a lesson for us too, stay Godly, stay faithful to God so the marriage stays strong. Strong believers in the Lord have married other strong believers but the spouse or both have not continued in the faith and the marriage and family have suffered because of it. Start with God and continue with God.
When a Godly man and a Godly woman come together you’ll see God’s blueprints in a very similar way. The parents will be united in their Biblical worldview, love one another with the love of God, and pass down the truth and love of God to their kids. A family God’s Way will help build the Kingdom of God and lead other families into salvation and eternal life.
Discussion:
What did God use in this sermon to speak to your heart or situation?
Why is being equally yoked crucial to marriage and building a family?
What attracted you to your spouse?
In what ways can parents be involved in helping their children find a Godly spouse?
If you’re currently married what can you do now to help keep God at the center of your marriage and family?
What other notes did you highlight or write down that you would like to share?
The most important decision you will ever make!
Are you ready to experience salvation and be transformed? We encourage you to process this decision with a strong believer and when you’re ready say a simple prayer like this from your heart: Dear God, I acknowledge and admit I have sinned. I see my need for Jesus Christ. I believe in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I believe I am forgiven and cleansed of my sin by His death. I also believe I have eternal life because of His resurrection from the dead. I repent, I turn away from my old ways and I choose to live my life to worship you and follow Jesus, amen!
We would love to know if you made the decision to accept this wonderful gift from God. Let us know here.
Pray Together
We hoped you found this AFTER THE SERMON discussion helpful for your walk with Jesus. We pray you can find ways to apply it this week!