FACE-TO-FACE WITH YOURSELF
Right now, our lives are anything but normal. What is normal, anyway? Our routine has been disrupted by the need to protect ourselves from a strange, invasive virus. Who would have thought that we would need to stay at home, that schools would cancel for up to two months, that I could go to church in my pajamas, that there would be no sports - on TV or even for our kids?? AND it's SPRING!
Needless to say, what we have known as the routine and norm for our lives is suddenly turned upside down. This protocol is unprecedented - to be still for an extended period of time. What usually keeps us busy has suddenly been put on hold. What we ordinarily do to keep ourselves busy and hide what's really going on inside of us is suddenly removed. Not as many things are pulling at us for attention. With these changes in what we know and have come to expect daily, we are left to come face-to-face with ourselves!
“What we ordinarily do to keep ourselves busy and hide what's really going on inside of us is suddenly removed.”
You may be familiar with the beach ball illustration of pushing our "stuff" under the surface. When we hide our emotions, it's like holding a beach ball underwater. However, it is full of air, and it won't sink. You work hard and make every attempt to hold that ball down, but it longs to come to the surface, to be released. And when it is released, it is like an erupting volcano.
Likely, the beach ball of emotions we've been holding underwater is pushing back right now because it's quieter in our schedules. The ball is desperately trying to get to the surface. You know, the feelings, the issues, the hurts, the emptiness, the grief, our anger, our dissatisfaction, our memories, our discontent, our loneliness, our thoughts, and the list goes on. We may be feeling unsettled or more anxious on the inside, and we just can't put a finger on why we feel the way we do. Maybe we've noticed our addictions becoming more active and we long for those things that will only satisfy temporarily. Then we start feeling all that shame and guilt, which makes matters worse!
Is this quieter, less busy season a time that God can use to show us something about ourselves? Is this a time when we must come face to face with who we think we are versus who we really are? Where have we been finding our value? What has been defining our identity? What have we been doing to keep ourselves so busy we don't face the real issues held under the water of our souls? Is what I'm feeling anger, loneliness, grief, hurt, emptiness? "Search me, Oh God, and know my heart" (Psalm 139: 23).
Friends, these moments when life slows down, and we have no real escape from what we've been holding down, God speaks. When we didn't even realize we were holding back emotion, God speaks. When we come face to face with our discontent and loss of control, God speaks. "My heart has heard you say, 'Come and talk with me. And my heart responds, "Lord, I am coming.'" (Psalm 27:8, NLT)
“When we come face to face with our discontent and loss of control, God speaks.”
During this time, let's take a look at less "doing" and more "being." Hanging out with God, being with Him, is not scary. We're scared cause we don't want to face the turmoil inside. We don't want that beach ball to pop up from under the surface. After all, we've done all we could to keep it pushed down for all this time. We've kept ourselves busy. Now we must face ourselves. But we DO NOT DO IT ALONE!! God welcomes us to come sit with Him. He has open arms of love, peace, hope, comfort, and joy.
So, find a quiet place. Take a drive. Sit in a parking lot somewhere. Take a few moments in the house when the kids are napping, playing, or watching a movie. Get up early or go to bed a little later. Grab a piece of paper and start brain dumping all the things you are feeling. Cry. Write down the angry thoughts, moments of grief, your hurts, and your empty feelings. Then take that piece of paper, hold it in your hands and ask God to heal you. You have just started a process of restoration for your soul. With God, you will need to continue to explore what is really going on beneath the surface. These times one-on-one with God will be revolutionary to repair your soul as you sit with the most exceptional counselor of all - God, Himself.
He will replace the emptiness with the warmth of His presence. He will replace the unsettledness with peace. Where you haven't felt love, God can reopen your heart, filling it with His love. Where there has been despair, He brings hope and joy. Where there has been grief and pain, He will bring comfort. Remember, NO ONE loves you like God does!! NO ONE cares for you like He does!
May God bless you as you use this time to come face-to-face with yourself and get close to Him.
Written by: Dorothy Wood
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